“A 16 year old Kabir had locked the door shut from inside. Lying on the bed, with his face down, Kabir was sobbing inconsolably. He felt deeply hurt about what had just occurred. Also ashamed at the fact that ‘being a boy’ he cannot control his emotions. He was supposed to, that is what people said! He was the youngest of the siblings, and was used to being pampered and taken care of, at all occasions. When he started growing up and venturing out on his own, he had to face situations which were unfamiliar to him. He realized he could not share everything with his family. But his habit of letting out his emotions continued. He saw everyone, as pure and as real, as he was. Till that day, he did not know that the world functions differently. The hurt of that incident made him weak and vulnerable, and he rushed home crying incessantly.
In the midst of this pain, his inability to control himself and expectation of unconditional love and care from the world, he heard a voice in his head, ‘Laugh, and the world laughs with you. Cry, and you cry alone’. These words shook him and he jumped up to sit straight on the bed. He had read this statement sometime back in a book. He understood it only today. He sat there for long, recalling past incidents of sorrow and happiness. Being left alone in misery and also those moments, when he used to narrate great stories and how people gathered around him to listen. ‘So, it is true’, he said out loud to himself. That day, when he wiped the last drop of tear from his eyes, he resolved to live by these words.
A switch inside him got turned off. Next time, when a sorrowful moment came along, he laughed. The stronger the pain, the harder his laughter became. It wasn’t easy in the beginning. Being a sentimental person by nature, he had to devise ways to keep his mind diverted during the triggers. He drowned himself in books and outdoor activities. He would play tirelessly in the fields, till his legs gave way. He would burn the midnight oil solving problems and understanding subjects. His focus was getting sharper by the day. Through practice, he became ‘that’ person! ‘Ever smiling, loving life’ Anyone who knows Kabir now, would say this about him.”
This story was Kabir’s response to Radha, when she had asked him, ‘Kabir, when will you stop acting in front of me’. Radha had been debating on this with Kabir for years. She has been wondering, ‘why silence and smile’ is the only response she gets, during an unpleasant conversation. Kabir had never shared this part of him with anyone. Something had stirred inside him that night, when he finally confessed an important part of himself to Radha. He continued saying, ‘Radha, I do not regret this decision of mine. It probably made me who I am today, and even made a lot of lives better around me. For that, if I had to pay a price of not being my complete self at all times, I accepted it whole-heartedly. The reason I am telling you all this today, is I want to live my life through you. I had been praying and wishing for you to be yourself at all times. I will continue to do that. When I see that you are your true self, without any inhibitions and boundaries limiting you, I will know that I too have truly lived.’
Radha was dumb stuck and stared at Kabir without blinking. When she finally did, tears of love oozed out..
