As far as I can remember, there has always been someone or the other to spoon-feed solutions to my problems. Any issue or difficulty which I came across has always been ‘resolved’ by people close to me. In school or college, whether it was an argument with a friend, difficulty in understanding a subject or a crush on a classmate, whenever I confided in someone, they had a solution to all my difficulties or issues; which was amazing! I was fortunate, I’d say. I did not have to use my own mind or heart a lot to overcome anything.
And then I moved out from a protected shell to a new city, a new environment. I quickly realized my old patterns won’t be of any use here. Out of habit, I still called my family to get a solution to every small issue I faced. I did not know how to deal with hostel mates, room-mates, class mates and above that how to survive with hostel food, keep my room clean, do the laundry, do well in classes, plan the future and be politically correct. But then, most of the days, when I came across new situations, new problems, I did not have access to calling up home. It took a toll on me. Easiest of things seemed like mountain of worries to me. I started collapsing, having panic attacks and saw my life breaking down in front of me. And I did not know how and from where to pick up the pieces.
It was during one of these panic attacks, I came across a friend, who urged me to talk. To talk about anything under the sun, my problems & difficulties, my anger on why people are not helpful here, my frustration to not being able to deal with things, my homesickness, my school days, college days, in one night, all in all, I talked about my entire life till then. I listed down a huge pile of issues I had in my life in front of this friend. The only thing this person did was listen to me and affirm me that, I am doing it, ‘life’, right, held my hand when I was feeling lonely. It was one of those epiphany moments for me, when I realized, I did not need answers to questions or solutions to my problems. All I needed was someone who could listen to me. And listen, without a bias, without judgments, without a yes or a no answer. Listen observantly, listen as if they are living the moment with me. And then say, ‘I am with you!’ This small experience, changed my perspective to look at my own life.
There might be a lot of people who wouldn’t have anyone to talk to. If you do get an opportunity, lend an ear to someone, give your complete attention when another person talks. You might not know, in that very moment, you might be bringing about a paradigm shift in that individual’s life. It is a huge blessing to get an opportunity to be a listener, for listening is helping a person connect to their own self. You become a medium for them to connect to their inner self. The purpose of the listener for being in the universe becomes so clear. The one who says and the one who listen are carrying out a divine act in itself.
Imagine a world where everyone has the patience to listen to another and everyone has the confidence and comfort to say what they feel like, without the fear of being judged.
One very important change that has come in my life now by not looking for solutions outside is, I have started to listen to myself. What I need at present, what will help me solve my inner turmoil, how do I be happy today, how can I be the best of myself today. Within me, I find all my answers, all my solutions
