Since the time, I have started giving thanks as a practice, new possibilities have entered my life. “Feeling good”, in the face of adversity or for no reason at all, has become a habit. I have started observing more, rather than living the distress of the curve balls, life is throwing at me. I have also begun to look at the “good” in things, as a habit. This has happened on its own, effortlessly.
I began with writing all that I am grateful for every day, with the help of the app, “Gratitude”. The application sends me a notification at the same time daily, to note down at least three things I am thankful for at that moment. Now, I end up writing way more than three.
I wish to share a small experience I happened to have related to this.
“My belief is, that the Almighty is everywhere, all around us and within us. I do respect the idols of various Gods and Goddesses we generally worship. The primary reason I go to a place of worship, is for the calm and silence, which gives me an opportunity to listen to myself even better. I made sure I visited a place of worship once every week (covid has changed things now). During one of the visits, when I was sitting silently trying to make sense of my thoughts, a question came to me, “I can recognize, when I feel happy, sad or angry or jealous. How do I recognize when I feel gratitude? Is it the same as happiness?”. Laughing silently on the question itself, I brushed it aside and continued to calm my thoughts and enjoy the silence of the place. This place of worship which I visit often, hands over some sanctified offerings (a type of food prepared) to people walking out after their prayers. There is always a designated person at a designated place to offer these. That day there was no one seated. The offerings were placed at their usual place. With a dilemma whether to pick up on my own or wait for the person to come in, I walked towards it. Suddenly a visitor, just like me picked up the spatula and the takeaway bowl, put some of it in the bowl, and moved away. I did not want to miss taking the offerings. It is always so yummy. I went ahead to do the same for myself. As soon as I put some in the container, the same lady walked towards me and I gave the bowl in my hand to her. She gave me the biggest smile, as she wasn’t expecting me to hand it over to her. We are all so conditioned to look out for ourselves first, even in these small acts. She expected the same from me and honestly I expected the same from myself. But something inside me just made me give it to her. She came back a couple of more times as had a large family and I kept handing over the filled up bowl each time to her. Her eyes filled up with this inexplicable joy. There were over 20 people seated outside, waiting for the ‘designated person’ to come and give the offering. They all started coming towards me one by one and I started passing the bowls filled with the offering to them. They knew I was a visitor just like them, yet they felt comfortable taking it from me. And one by one I started filling up the bowls and handing over to people till there were none left. I had not felt joy like this ever before. It was a small and a very simple act. But I hadn’t done anything like this before. There came a point where my eyes were so swelled up I couldn’t see anymore. I filled my own bowl and went hurriedly to the car which was parked very close by, with a grin on my face. As soon as I shut the door, tears started flowing uncontrollably. I wasn’t crying, I wasn’t sad. I was smiling and laughing. I sat there for a long time trying to comprehend what happened to me and at the same time, simply enjoying the bliss that I felt at that moment. I folded my hands and said a prayer of thanks.”
It stuck me then, I asked a question of what it feels like to be in gratitude. And the emotion just burst inside me. I can feel gratitude not just by receiving anything. Giving, without motive can also make me feel the same. Selfless service can give me that bliss. I truly cannot describe that feeling, but it was one of the best experiences of my life. My words here can never do justice to what I felt in that moment. I know that I listened to myself in that moment of truth while sitting silently. I got the answer to my question the very next moment in the best possible way it could have happened then. If this will not make me understand what being in gratitude truly feels, then nothing else can.
I aim to achieve that moment of truth within myself every now and then. I am confident that these moments of truth will lead the way for me and it can for anyone. All we have to do is, make a choice to listen.
